She thinks she is all that and a bag of skittles but I'm definitely not tasting the rainbow...
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
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