You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
Also, my phone autocorrects ENABLER to all caps. I think I drunk text the word too often.
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
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