i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Is it just me or are more fat girls getting belly button piercing these days?
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
My potted cactus died. I am literally less nurturing than the desert.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
Randomize
