once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
