$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
The struggles of a small town man whore
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
