you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Honestly dude, i think you should ignore the restraining order if you really love her.
He gave me a 420 gift that consisted of a dime bag, a philly cheesestake, and a Pepsi that was still cold. If he ever wants a free bj, I got him.
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Randomize
