she was most def 27.5% uglier than a troll, but the sex was great
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
I just blocked a guy on grindr for having a little dick. See? I do have standards.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
They left me at home... I'm a liability
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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