You were right. It hurts to walk today.
I just gave head in the laundry room on campus. He said it was one of the best moments in all of history. Take that, neil armstrong.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
