Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
