Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
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