shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
