omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
