My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I just used my citation as a bookmark. Want a beer?
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
