dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
These rednecks don't fuck around. This party is completely BYOB and we now have 6 kegs, 3 of which have already been emptied.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
