is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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