Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
