she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
her teeth should be alot whiter from all of those blowjobs she gives
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
