oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
