Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
