When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
