thus making me awesome and them whores
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
he shaved USA in his pubs
high people should be assigned attendants
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
Randomize
