Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
My breath smells like gin and sadness
Randomize
