i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
I had ketchup on my elbow and a random girl goes "I got it" and licked it off, only on game day
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
