i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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