i need an iv and a liver transplant
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
only I would find a long lost relative through a craigslist casual encounters ad
Randomize
