my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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