i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
