i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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