i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
