I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
