i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
Randomize
