He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
You spilled spaghetti on the floor, and kept telling the noodles to "settle down" as you tried to clean it up
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
This is the perfect outfit to do ketamine in, I must say
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Randomize
