I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
No idea how he made them, but vodka water balloons were a horrible idea.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize
