Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
That's because you're a slut. A slut fucking a fence.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
