just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Busta Rhymes just yelled at me! He cut a song off and I was clapping and he looked right at me and said "don't fucking clap." I was that white guy.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
What drink are we having for lunch?
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
