STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Twas the night before the bachelor party, and all thru the house...not a creature was stirring, not even a stripper?...
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize