Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Is girls night deemed a success when you piss the bed?
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
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