Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
