Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
