Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Randomize
