did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
What was she thinking? I'm not in the business of charity fucks anymore.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Randomize
