I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
I hope he doesn't find the chex mix when he takes my shirt off.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
well hes been the bathroom for like 15 mins so he either feels comfortable enough to puke/ shit in my apartment or he escaped out the window
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
