I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
Randomize
