super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
Look I'm really high right now, and if I were to leave this house, it would be for the sole purpose of getting an ice cream sandwich. So can you please just do it.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Randomize
