i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It was a book called Gay Safari.
I'm so happy for you now that you have found your perfect porn novel.
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
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