So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
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