I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
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