Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
