his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
Randomize
