The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
So when I eventually, if ever, find someone I'd like to marry, do you think having people fly to africa for a lion king themed wedding is too much?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
