There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
