I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
brittany murphy hurts far more than michael jackson, patrick swayze, etc because i never masturbated to any of those other people
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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